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NON-DENOMINATIONALISM – We don’t care where the toys came from, let’s just play. |
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CONFUCIANISM – Once a toy is dipped in water, it is no longer dry. |
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CAPITALISM – He who dies with the most toys, wins. |
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HARI KRISHNA – He who plays with the most toys, wins. |
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JUDAISM – He who buys toys at the lowest price, wins. |
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CATHOLICISM – He who denies himself the most toys, wins. |
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ANGLICAN – They were our toys first. |
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GREEK ORTHODOX – No, they were OURS first. |
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BRANCH DAVIDIANS – He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins. |
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ATHEISM- There is no toy maker. |
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POLYTHEISM – There are many toy makers. |
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EVOLUTIONISM – The toys made themselves. |
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CHURCH OF CHRIST SCIENTIST – We are the toys. |
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COMMUNISM – We all get the same number of toys, and you go straight to hell if you sell yours. |
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BAHA’I – All toys are just fine with us. |
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AMISH – Toys with batteries are surely a sin. |
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TAOISM – The doll is as important as the dump truck. |
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MORMONISM – Every boy may have as many toys as he wants. |
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VOODOO – Let me borrow that doll for a second… |
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HEDONISM – Hang the rule book! Let’s play! |
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7TH DAY ADVENTIST – He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses. |
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CHURCH OF CHRIST – He whose toys make music, loses. |
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BAPTIST – Once played always played. |
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JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES – He who “places” the most toys door-to-door, wins. |
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PENTECOSTALISM – He whose toys can talk, wins. |
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EXISTENTIALISM – Toys are a figment of your imagination. |
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As Moses and the children of Israel were crossing the Red Sea, the children of Israel began to complain to Moses of how thirsty they were after walking so far. Unfortunately, they were not able to drink from the walls of water on either side of them, as they were made up of saltwater. Then, a fish from that wall of water told Moses that he and his family heard the complaints of the people, but that they through their own gills could remove the salt from the water and force it out of their mouths like a fresh water fountain for the Israelites to drink from as they walked by. Moses accepted this kindly fish’s offer. But before the fish and his family began to help, they told Moses they had a demand. They and their descendants had to be always present at the seder meal that would be established to commemorate the Exodus, since they had a part in the story. When Moses agreed to this, he gave them their name which remains how they are known to this very day, for he said to them, “Go Filter, Fish!” |
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LAST RITES
The priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let the monster know how you despise his evil!” The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?” The dying man said, “Until I know where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.” |
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